Inviting Gratitude
Image: Plate of fortune cookies, note says “Wins, Losses, Whatever.”
Picture this: you're sitting in a meeting, and there's that one person who just rubs you the wrong way. Or maybe you've been stuck in a toxic work environment with a leader who couldn't be more unsupportive if they tried. I’ve certainly been there, done that. Oh, did I try to make it work! I tried everything from changing my approach to biting my tongue, but nothing seemed to stick.
It took me a while to realize that trying to please everyone – to always “win” in the traditional sense – is just not healthy. And, I mean, it actually negatively impacts your health.
Here’s what I mean: Our brains have a survival mechanism that kicks into gear when we're faced with stressors, like working with people who don't value us. It's called problem-centric thought, and it basically means we hyper-focus on what we can do to resolve the problem, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness in the process. If you work with someone who doesn’t value you, your brain will naturally focus on what YOU can do better. At the same time, it will release the stress hormone Cortisol. And, those negative thoughts literally take over your mind, releasing more and more stress hormone and driving your health metrics downward. Feeling the swirl? I did!
So, how do you stop this? Some people would say “stop caring.” I say instead “invite gratitude.” Inviting gratitude is deeper than the “always be grateful” line of the Barbie monologue. It’s soul-felt, hard-won thankfulness for the wonders and setbacks of life. When you invite gratitude, you ask gratitude to come to you, whatever might happen.
Inviting gratitude means:
Shifting focus to what is going right instead of what went wrong. Your brain will want to focus on what went wrong, but you can – with intention – train it to focus on the wins.
Recognizing that one miss or setback does not equal a lifetime of misses or setbacks. I know you have performed at a high level for years!
Reframing a setback as a protective action by the Universe (aka God). Sometimes, the universe (or God, if you’re inclined) is protecting you from something today. If you don’t win a certain client, perhaps that’s the universe’s way of protecting your mental and physical health and keeping you free for a future opportunity.
When I’m in my “welcoming achievements” and “inviting gratitude” energy (and I still have to work at it), I feel the flow. I feel confident in my value and believe that goodness will come to me. I’m striving but not forcing progress.
It’s key to being able to “take the win.” And, it’s a lovely place to be.
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